


Where's My Love?

by KseniyaChe



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fix-It, Lotor Week 2020, One True Pairing, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27972290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KseniyaChe/pseuds/KseniyaChe
Summary: Every night Allura sees Lotor in her sleep, but every morning he fades away. She suffers knowing that she made the wrong choice.***This is an extended version of the 1st part for the Lotor Week 2020.
Relationships: Allura/Lotor (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Where's My Love?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lotor Week 2020](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058685) by [KseniyaChe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KseniyaChe/pseuds/KseniyaChe). 



> Some ideas just can't let me go and they spin in my head. So, here we are — new Lotura angst.  
> It was inspired by the song 'Where's My Love' by SYML.

Allura is tired. She is exhausted. Her dreams are so draining that in the morning she does not understand anything. Waking up in a cold empty bed, Allura revives her dreams in the smallest details for a long time. She brings back the only love to life. She closes her eyes and can almost feel his fingers carefully trace the oval of her face. He never touched her with the long claws that are common to all Galra. His touches are tender, like the petals of Juniberry flowers. His breath on his skin gives goosebumps along his spine, it’s almost tickling.

A knock on the door brings her back to reality. Romelle.

“Allura, are you ready? Meeting in five doboshes.”

The former Princess opens her eyes, frowns her thin eyebrows, looks at the visitor incredulously. She doesn't like her. This Romelle. It's all her fault. Lotor is twice betrayed — by Allura and this girl. And if remember his mother and father, generals and Gods know who else, then he was facing betrayal and catching stabs in the back through all his life. Long ten thousand years.

“Quit! I need to change,” Allura orders coldly, and Romelle, getting used to such treatment, almost sits down in a curtsy and backs away from the Princess's room.

Allura gets out of bed, looks at the crumpled sheets, recalls the dream. In the most daring of them, Lotor sleeps with her in this bed. Well, not quite this one, but in a larger one. After all, he is the Emperor, and she is the Heiress of royal blood. Earthlings would give them a bigger bedroom, right? Do these weak and undeveloped people have something sacred besides pride and self-esteem?

Romelle is a reason why Allura replays her illogical, stupid, overly emotional and impulsive behavior over and over again in her head when she found out about what Lotor has been doing to her people. But this is his people too? Isn't it so? Maybe not, considering that the Prince always wanted to take his father's place. He wanted to prove his strength. Well, Lotor succeeded quite well.

A bitter grin curls the Princess's lips. Oh, she, naive, thought that she could heal his wounded soul. Give him peace and quiet. Allura ambitiously imagined that she, and only she, could drive away his demons with one movement of her hand through his hair, with one touch of her lips, with just one glance. And it worked out. It really worked... "Oh, Lotor, why didn't you tell the whole truth right away?"

Another knock is heard at the door: “Allura… are you coming?”

“Yes! I am!” the Princess barks and straightens her hair.

She leaves the room and follows a familiar route: along the corridor to the elevators, to the second floor, from the doors to the left to the very end, until you bury your nose in the wide doors, behind which is a vast meeting room. Allura pays no attention to Romelle's chatter, who minces slightly behind; from time to time running ahead, glances flatteringly into the eyes. Allura is pissed off. Looks like the girl smells her guilt.

The doors swing open and Allura walks to her seat, nodding languidly in greeting to her team and the Garrison colonels. She hardly listens to what Shiro says. What new can he say? Moreover, she ignores Lance's eyes full of longing and hidden hope. No, this young man with ugly ears, no matter how cute he is, will never, never take a place in her heart, which is tied with strong, like ropes, threads of affection for Lotor.

***

_She is on her ship, completely alone. Allura calls at least someone, but her voice echoes along the endlessly long passage. It's dark in the Castle. Only where she stands does a faint ray of violet fall directly on her. A long shadow from her figure stretches across the floor, disappearing into the blackness._

_“Hey! Guys? Coran?.. Shiro?.. Lance?..” she calls timidly, turning around herself, hoping to see at least one of them, or hear their steps._

_But there is no answer, only the silence and the echo of her voice._

_Then Allura begins to walk carefully down the corridor, clasping her hands in the lock at her chest. Quiet footsteps sound unnaturally loud._

_She is scared, but in some unknown way, a beam from a single lantern follows her, illuminating the path._

_Allura walks forward, occasionally calling softly for one of the Paladins. But nobody is there._

_Suddenly footsteps are heard behind, and she freezes, and then quickly turns around, peering into the darkness. She squints, trying to see whoever follows her._

_“Who is there?”_

***

“Allura, what do you think?” Shiro turns to her.

“What?” She looks up. "What was he talking about?" she thinks to herself.

As if in response to her thoughts, Romelle begins to quickly whisper a short summary of Takashi's words, but Allura doesn't listen. The whisper of this girl for her is like the sound of earthly bees. No, Lance said that bees are very useful, they make honey. The honey itself, however, Allura has not tried and does not know what it is, but she trusts Lance. And Romelle — doesn’t. So it's better to compare her voice to a nasty insect like earth flies. So Allura just impatiently brushes Romelle off and says:

“Do as you see fit, Shiro.”

Takashi frowns as she sees his lips purse. But Allura doesn't care. She sees everyone in the audience shaking their heads sadly, as if they can understand her. Nonsense! Which of them can understand her? No home, no family, no kingdom, no people, no beloved man.

The meeting ends, and Allura, out of habit, goes to the hospital wards to check how Luka is doing. She will not come to her senses. And Allura cannot understand what exactly worries her about this girl. After standing for a few minutes at the window of the ward, she leaves, pursued by Romelle. When will she leave her alone?

“Hey, Allura!” someone calls her. But she hears it as through a fog, lost again in her memories. “Allura!”

She turns to the voice and almost bumps face to face with Lance, he looks at her confusedly. Allura does not like this look: a mixture of guilt, hope and something else that is not clear to her. She is waiting. Let him speak. Let him say what he wants and leave. She doesn't want to talk to him.

“I… hm… how are you?”

Allura looks at him as if he were insane. Does he not understand at all how she feels now? Does anyone here even know how she feels?

“I… Allura,” he trails off, obviously plucking up courage as he closes his eyes and she sees his hands clenching into fists. “Are you-come-with-me-to-dinner?” Lance blurts out quickly.

Allura never gets a chance to answer, as a joyful squeak is heard next to her.

“Oh! How wonderful! A date!” squeals Romelle so that it is heard throughout the Garrison. Anyway, those who passing by turned around and looked at her and Lance.

“It's not a good idea,” Allura replies. “I’ve got a lot to do,” she’s lying, but hopes Lance gets the hints, he’s always been thoughtful for her. And she is grateful for it, of course, but this is not enough. Not enough for her.

“Oh, well…” Lance backs away, slowly steps back until he bumps his back on Hunk, who pushes him back to Allura.

The Princess can barely contain an impatient sigh. Let everyone leave her alone. All she wants is to go back a few phoebes, return to the day when she threw cruel words in Lotor's face, when she yielding to impulse, anger and orders, as if relieving herself of responsibility for what was happening, allowed him to be killed...

“The princess will gladly accept…” Romelle begins to chatter, but Allura abruptly stops her.

“No! I said I didn't have time for this, and Lance understood me perfectly!”

The embarrassed young man, almost blushing to the roots of his hair, mutters that he really wasn't going to impose himself, it's just that his mother always cooks so much, and Allura is all alone... She feels sorry for him and softens.

“You’d better invite Pidge,” she says, smiling slightly with only her eyes.

“Pidge?” Lance asks, surprised.

“Yes, Pidge. I'm sure she'll be happy to go with you.”

"Okay," Lance agrees, but Allura is not at all sure if he really will do this. But fortunately, Hunk immediately appears, grasps his friend by the arm and smiles at Allura.

“He will certainly do so. Thank you, Allura. Bye!” He quickly leads Lance with him.

“Why did you refuse?” Romelle asks, sincerely doesn’t understand. “This earthling is madly in love with you. He will break into a cake for you. You could-”

“Shut up,” Allura says coldly and starts to go. She doesn't care that she's rude to Romelle, she doesn't care what anyone thinks about her.

***

_Painfully long moments pass, which seem to her to be an eternity, and then he comes out of the shadows. Her Prince, her Lotor. The one who betrayed her, and whom she betrayed in return, punishing him for hiding the truth from her._

_He is as beautiful as the day that she first saw him. Allura cannot say anything. The joy that she sees him alive is replaced by a vague realization that this is not real. But she desperately wants him to be here._

_“Why do you never call me, Princess? After all, this is the same corridor that led to my chambers from yours. Don't you recognize?”_

_His voice runs through her veins, giving her both comfort and pain. How could she forget? Here timid words of confession were spoken secretly. Here were the first embraces and kisses. Here she finally fell in love. Here she entrusted him._

_Allura stands paralyzed, unable to move, unable to even breathe. She watches silently as Lotor walks up to her and takes her hand in his. His long fingers intertwine with hers. She looks up at him._

***

Luka comes to herself, but dies, barely seeing Romelle, having only managed to throw a few phrases, the meaning of which is not fully understood by Allura. But this "You betrayed us!" addressed to Romelle only strengthens the Princess in her dislike for this ever-smiling, sneaky girl.

“I knew you weren’t who you pretend to be,” Allura hisses, pushing Romelle into the chest. And the Altean girl, or really got used to the role of a helpless creature, or really this, looks at the Princess with huge eyes.

“I… I don’t understand,” she bleats.

“You! It's all you! Your fault!” 

Allura runs out of the hospital block down the hallways, gasping for breath. She does not know where to hide from the terrible guilt that she feels. Lotor wasn't being honest, but was murder the way out? Wasn't she saying everywhere that it was necessary to sow peace in the entire universe, that this was Voltron's mission and her own, as a representative of the royal family.

As days go by, Allura finds no place for herself. She wanders such a large Garrison. Big, crowded and empty. She is immensely lonely here. She doesn't want to see or hear anyone.

She begs Pidge's mother for medicine to help her sleep, referring to insomnia, and Colleen, without going into details, silently gives her sleeping pills.

“Only the dosage should be higher,” she says after Allura.

Now Allura, who seeks comfort in her dreams, seeks meetings and dates with Lotor, is taking human pills. And her Prince is faithful to the established custom, he appears to her silent call.

***

_“My feelings for you are true,” his voice pours liquid quintessence through her veins again, from the heart to the fingertips. “Do you believe me, Allura?”_

_She is silent, speechless, afraid to wake up and find out that all this is just a figment of her imagination._

_“Trust me, Allura.” Lotor approaches her. He stands, almost touching her. So close that she hears his heart beating, she can distinguish the smallest wrinkles on his face, she sees the sparkle of his violet eyes. Lotor is closer, and closer, and she can no longer wait for his lips to overcome this distance._

_Allura moves towards him._

_“Do you believe me?”_

***

“Princess, what's going on?” Coran asks anxiously, looking at Allura.

Allura grew thinner, her cheeks sunken, and the marks of the chosen ones on the cheekbones turned pale, faintly flickering and turning an already gray face into a ghostly one. Coran was told that she was wandering in a dream. He walks around the Garrison and mutters something. Everyone is very worried. But she doesn't talk to anyone and doesn't even want to look at them. And if someone like Shiro insists, she screams to be left alone.

Allura avoids Keith more than everyone else. He, like Romelle, is to blame for what happened. It was he who ordered the decisive blow. It was he who killed Lotor.

She didn't want to, Allura felt it was so wrong. It's all Keith. Keith! Not her. Not her!

***

_Allura wanders through the dark corridors of the Lion Castle. She is looking for Lotor. Calls him. But the more she walks, the less hope she will find him._

_“Lotor, where are you? I need you so. Where are you? Where are you, my love?..”_

_And he suddenly appears, turns to her, smiling, slightly exposing sharp fangs. And she hurries up to him, wants to feel light bites on her neck again, wants to run her tongue over his lips, wants to get tangled in his long snow-white hair with her fingers. Allura freezes a step away from him, as if bumping into an invisible wall._

_Lotor takes her hand in his and clings to her, puts it to his cheek. His crooked marks glow in the dim corridor. He closes his eyes, covers her wrist with weightless kisses._

_“Trust me... Trust me, Allura…”_

***

“Allura, what are you doing here?” someone calls out to her, but she, as always lately, does not understand who it is and where she is. She returns to reality, as if floating out from under the heavy waters of the ocean. And she finds herself, barefoot, in the thinnest shirt in the middle of the hangar, where all the equipment of the Garrison is located. Allura turns and sees Lance. He looks at her with such anxiety that she almost feels sorry for him.

“Come on, I'll take you back. You'll freeze.” Lance holds out his hand, but Allura staggers away from her, she doesn't need that hand. With straight, smooth, short nails. The wrong color. The wrong man. “Allura… come-”

“Don't touch me!”

“Allura,” Lance calls with a pleading voice. “I will help.”

“No! You can't help me.” She starts to run, unmistakably finding her way back to her room.

***

“ _Do you sleep?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Wake up.”_

_“I do not want. If I wake up, you will disappear…”_

_“I promise that if you open your eyes, I will be there.”_

_“Will you kiss me? In the fairy tales of earthlings, the Sleeping Beauty is awakened by the Prince with a kiss of true love.”_

_He is silent in response._

_“I knew you weren’t here,” she whispers without opening her eyes. “If you were, you would have kissed me…”_

_“Then find me, my love.”_

***

“Allura wakes up, barely having time to fall asleep. She stands up resolutely and dresses. She wears her spacesuit. “ _Find me, my love,”_ knocks at the temples. Allura leaves the room and goes to the hangar, finds her Lion.

“Hello, Blue,” the Princess greets her. “Help me, please.”

The Lion stares indifferently at her Paladin with empty eyes.

“Please. I need him so much! I was wrong. I am guilty. I have to save him…” Allura strokes the cold steel of a soulless huge beast. Tears run down her cheeks. She barely made it here because she hadn't eaten in a long time. And all Allura wants now is to sit down in a chair, let Blue fly and fall asleep. And in a dream she will be with him. “I’m begging you,” she whispers. “I should at least try...”

The Lion opens her mouth, letting her paladin inside. Relieved, Allura sits down in a chair, starts the engines, wiping away her tears and breathing deeply. She moves Blue into space, straight into the night sky and beyond, beyond the Earth's atmosphere. He enters the necessary coordinates, puts the ship on autopilot and leans back in the chair, closing her eyes.

***

“ _Hello, sweetheart.”_

_Lotor is here beside her. He runs his fingertips across her face, outlining its oval. He strokes the marks on the cheekbones with his thumb. Allura presses trustingly into his palm. Lips touching warm skin. She is afraid to open her eyes._

_“I'm coming after you,” Allura whispers._

_“Thank you, my love.”_

_“I will save you, I will return you, even if I die, you will be with me. Trust me, Lotor.”_

_And he finally kisses her on the lips, sealing with this kiss their silent vow to be together._

***

Allura sleeps and smiles in her sleep. Soon she will be by his side, her Prince. And she will bring him home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy it, if it's possible to enjoy suffering.  
> Lotor and Allura deserve much much better!


End file.
